ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
