my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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