I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
