we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize