I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize