I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
