Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
