Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
