You just made me feel so damn special
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
