He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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