On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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