I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he shaved USA in his pubs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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