i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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