I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
