I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
