he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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