drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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