so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
