Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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