Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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