i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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