I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
