Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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