I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
