ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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