no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
