Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize