Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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