I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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