WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
