i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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