i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
