we're chasing vodka with high fives
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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