are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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