What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
