it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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