ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
