Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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