This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
