She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
