its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
