Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize