when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk is a universal language darling
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