found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
