i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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