I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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