I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
