So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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