i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
