Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
