idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
