im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize