Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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