How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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