Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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