wrigley field is MILF paradise
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
