im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize