I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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