all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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