I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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