I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
