party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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