It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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