haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize