She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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