i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
