TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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