last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
