she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
