I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
