Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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