You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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