it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
