Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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