I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
